RhinoMonkey

Basically, He searched me out and found me. As far as I can tell, He had been trying to get ahold of me my entire life. I guess I just wasn’t interested in hearing anything He had to say earlier on in my life.

Once I opened up to Him though, it was all over. I had never felt ANYWHERE near as alive and full of joy as I did the day I surrendered my life to Him, and I knew I would never look back. This was something far beyond just a “positive religious experience.”

Interestingly enough, since coming to know Him I have experienced significant improvements to a previously hazy long-term memory, even to the point of receiving entire memories back from the depths of what I might describe as “the trash bin of my consciousness.” Based on these vivid hindsights and revelations of my past condition, I could now only describe my life before knowing Him as being cold, dreary, mute, numb, joyless and devoid of any true hope.

Of course, if someone were to have suggested that this was my state at the time, simply because of the fact that I didn’t know God, I would have been justifiably resentful and extremely offended by it, but the fact remains that this is indeed what I have experienced. Hindsight is significantly better than 20/20 once the Spirit of God has been breathed into you. The spiritual quickening He offers changes EVERYTHING. Plain and simple.

I discovered there was a noticeable “packrat” within my previous mindset which caused me to fervently latch on to any new argument or reasoning which appeared to “disprove” or “invalidate” the Christian witness/worldview I was periodically presented with. Any of the common ones would do, such as: “Heaven and Hell are just the formulation of organized religion to keep society in control,” “If God is so good, why is there suffering in the world?” “God wouldn’t accept you anyway, you’re too disgusting, filthy,” or “Evolution has already disproven Christianity.” They are always misleading or somewhat deceptive, at the very least containing half-truths intended to blur or confuse. Others are just blatant lies, but these considerations are of little consequence to those who desire to collect them.

Essentially, whenever I would hear something which was in support of my (quite possibly subconscious) disposition towards avoiding God or having any contact with “those Christians,” I immediately snatched it out of the air, further fattening the fistful of rationalizations I had been gathering my whole life. In the end, if a person lacks understanding of or faith in God’s unconditional redeeming love, they’ll have little inclination to acknowledge their “sin” (deep-seated feeling of guilt/shame for any number of things in their life, no matter how slight) before Him. If they would only listen to what He says for a second, they might find a window of faith to try Him at His Word and experience for themselves the joys of His presence and the love and peace which follows it (as opposed to the shame and condemnation they might expect). This is why these misleading and deceptive rationalizations are so powerful and damaging—they’re aimed to seek out and decimate whatever smidgen of faith that person might have been able to take to God.

I have since given this “packrat-like excuse-gathering habit” some good thought. I like to call it “selling the lies my dad rented.” I call it this because I did with those excuses the same thing the person before me did; I would “sell it” to everyone in hearing range whenever I felt my position or comfort-zone was being threatened (even if it was an unfounded, assumptive or “rented” assertion). I never once thought to check the validity of the claims, I would just start spewing it out whenever I felt it necessary, even though it wasn’t mine to sell in the first place. I was “selling the lies my dad rented.”

Sadly, this is something I have noticed in many of my old friends, and it’s often born (to some degree) of a willful ignorance. That’s a dangerous place to be. Other times, they’ve just been lied to so much, they don’t believe God could love them or forgive them. Thank God He got through to me before I avoided this supposed “negative confrontation with God” all the way to death. Thank God in Jesus Christ for taking that confrontation upon Himself, receiving the brunt of all wrath which was due my trespasses before a Just and Righteous God.

Feel free to chat me up sometime if you’d like to conversate on the subject or if you would just like someone to bounce some questions off of.

Basically, He searched me out and found me. As far as I can tell, He had been trying to get ahold of me my entire life. I guess I just wasn’t interested in hearing anything He had to say earlier on in my life.

Once I opened up to Him though, it was all over. I had never felt ANYWHERE near as alive and full of joy as I did the day I surrendered my life to Him, and I knew I would never look back. This was something far beyond just a “positive religious experience.”

Interestingly enough, since coming to know Him I have experienced significant improvements to a previously hazy long-term memory, even to the point of receiving entire memories back from the depths of what I might describe as “the trash bin of my consciousness.” Based on these vivid hindsights and revelations of my past condition, I could now only describe my life before knowing Him as being cold, dreary, mute, numb, joyless and devoid of any true hope.

Of course, if someone were to have suggested that this was my state at the time, simply because of the fact that I didn’t know God, I would have been justifiably resentful and extremely offended by it, but the fact remains that this is indeed what I have experienced. Hindsight is significantly better than 20/20 once the Spirit of God has been breathed into you. The spiritual quickening He offers changes EVERYTHING. Plain and simple.

I discovered there was a noticeable “packrat” within my previous mindset which caused me to fervently latch on to any new argument or reasoning which appeared to “disprove” or “invalidate” the Christian witness/worldview I was periodically presented with. Any of the common ones would do, such as: “Heaven and Hell are just the formulation of organized religion to keep society in control,” “If God is so good, why is there suffering in the world?” “God wouldn’t accept you anyway, you’re too disgusting, filthy,” or “Evolution has already disproven Christianity.” They are always misleading or somewhat deceptive, at the very least containing half-truths intended to blur or confuse. Others are just blatant lies, but these considerations are of little consequence to those who desire to collect them.

Essentially, whenever I would hear something which was in support of my (quite possibly subconscious) disposition towards avoiding God or having any contact with “those Christians,” I immediately snatched it out of the air, further fattening the fistful of rationalizations I had been gathering my whole life. In the end, if a person lacks understanding of or faith in God’s unconditional redeeming love, they’ll have little inclination to acknowledge their “sin” (deep-seated feeling of guilt/shame for any number of things in their life, no matter how slight) before Him. If they would only listen to what He says for a second, they might find a window of faith to try Him at His Word and experience for themselves the joys of His presence and the love and peace which follows it (as opposed to the shame and condemnation they might expect). This is why these misleading and deceptive rationalizations are so powerful and damaging—they’re aimed to seek out and decimate whatever smidgen of faith that person might have been able to take to God.

I have since given this “packrat-like excuse-gathering habit” some good thought. I like to call it “selling the lies my dad rented.” I call it this because I did with those excuses the same thing the person before me did; I would “sell it” to everyone in hearing range whenever I felt my position or comfort-zone was being threatened (even if it was an unfounded, assumptive or “rented” assertion). I never once thought to check the validity of the claims, I would just start spewing it out whenever I felt it necessary, even though it wasn’t mine to sell in the first place. I was “selling the lies my dad rented.”

Sadly, this is something I have noticed in many of my old friends, and it’s often born (to some degree) of a willful ignorance. That’s a dangerous place to be. Other times, they’ve just been lied to so much, they don’t believe God could love them or forgive them. Thank God He got through to me before I avoided this supposed “negative confrontation with God” all the way to death. Thank God in Jesus Christ for taking that confrontation upon Himself, receiving the brunt of all wrath which was due my trespasses before a Just and Righteous God.

Feel free to chat me up sometime if you’d like to conversate on the subject or if you would just like someone to bounce some questions off of.

Where did you get to?